Writing it out...

The hero is just a normal guy who’s bravery 5 minutes longer than the rest of the people. 

Amazing quote. 

True, in my opinion. The person who isn’t afraid of things is either mentally retarded or six feet under... I know I’m afraid. Fear is an amazing motivator, isn’t it? It’d drive us to do things that we’d never do otherwise. Fear of a deadline allows us to work faster than we’d have ever worked otherwise. Fear of someone or something allows us to find new and innovative ideas to avoid them (even if that means sticking your head up your own ass, people still do it!).

Now, I like to think of myself as a brave person. Or... at-least someone who isn’t scared in the face of adversity... not so easily, anyway.

That being said, I think that fear,  is the number one enemy of human potential. Fears (real and imagined) hold us back from accomplishing what is truly possible in life. Look at me... I used to think I was pretty much fearless, then... one fine day, someone told me that my writing was absolutely no good (this other person was a female writer whose work i’d read, so I knew that she was good) and that it was “so boring that I couldn’t even finish the book. I’m sorry. I’m returning your book back to you.”

Now, I don’t know if you’re a writer or not... frankly, I don’t care. Your writing is like your child. Don’t take my word for it, look at any writer out there. They hold their written works as close to their heart as their own children.

Now, I’m happiest when the following conditions are met: I have someone to love and someone who loves me by my side, I exercise regularly and am in good health, eating according to good health regularly, I am writing my novels frequently and regularly, am photographing something wonderful at-least once a week and I’m earning enough money so that I work because I WANT to work, versus, I HAVE to work.

*sigh*

I feel as if God’s playing a practical joke on me sometimes... all conditions haven’t been met simultaneously in a LONG time now...

I started to write when I was 15 years old, simply to see if I COULD write. Turned out, I could write! I kept writing all the way up to age 19. Then... suddenly, lost the urge to write. Even today, I KNOW that I feel happy, content and juiced about life If and when I write. I could be writing anything... even this blog entry is better than writing nothing. But, writing stories... wow... that’s something I need to do. I don’t know what happened... and as I was reflecting on it all, and how the last two years have been... I think I came to the realization...

I was paralyzed... inside my head... by fear. Fear of failure. The comments from said female writer only helped to strengthen said fear! Now, right now... I feel like an idiot.

God gave me two hands. With these hands, I have written things that few regular people will ever come close to writing during their lifetimes. Call it what you will, but i’m proud to have been the Chief Editor (who also volunteered to be their head photographer, because nobody else even had a fucking clue about how to hold a goddamn camera) of my high-school’s literary department. I might not have been perfect, but I was the leader of 10 people who worked directly under me. Now, i’m not bragging, and these are not my words. I am merely going to tell you what others have said about me (after my tenure as Chief Editor was over and I finished school):

“The publications during your reign were excellent, both in quality and in content. You might not always have been on time (deadlines), but you were always there (sometimes fashionably late, albeit).” – One of the Teachers in the school.

“After you left, things began falling apart quick. Your successor could hardly care less about literary publications and NEVER made deadlines. Even if he did, the quality was so poor that even a straight-F student could pick out the mistakes in the publications!” – One of the students who was also my friend.

“Nobody delivered content in the manner you did. [Laughing] The school is STILL using your photographs, even 2 years after you left! It’s as if they ran out of photographs... come to think of it, with the kind of people there, I’m pretty sure that they DID!” – One of my mentors who is closely involved with the school.

“I’ll admit it, you were late in delivering a few issues of the school newspaper... but you were never in trouble for it because you were able to present your ideas so well to the principal that anything you did was okay. Quality was always assured and you delivered on that promise WITHOUT FAIL every single time. Now, everything’s fallen apart and the principle is always angry at the new chief editor.” – My mentor’s wife (who happens to be a teacher at the school!)

Well, that’s all the stuff others have said, I guess. Or, all the stuff I’ve been told. There were PLENTY of people who said stuff that was bad. There always are. But, at the end of the day, what does it matter? I know I delivered. I was assured that I had indeed delivered. I knew I could be proud of what I delivered. Everything else is insignificant.

:P

There’s only one month now till I have to leave for college. Am I nervous? You bet! Am I scared? Nah! Not in yer life! I face challenges head-on! Bring it, that’s what I say!

;)

Anyway, thanks for listening to my little rant. LOL. Now I need to figure out a way to get rid of fear, and begin writing my novels again. These hands are instruments for greatness... I know it! I just need to use them in the right way! That’s all!

^_^